THE LIGHTER SIDE OF SHOWING

 

Recently I have written articles for this magazine on different aspects of showing. These were, I hope, HIGHLY informative and made a LASTING impression on people on preparing for a show and how to pick what classes you feel ready for.
Now, however, I feel it only prudent, AND for the good of horse people in general to share the TRUTH about showing. I may have given you the impression that if you diligently prepared your horse, read articles, and listened to your riding instructor, that you would be ready to show and quite possibly put in a good performance and do your and your horse proud. I feel it is my duty to let you know that nothing is further from the truth.
Quite frequently, anything that can go wrong does go wrong, and the age-old term “Pride Goeth Before A Fall”, is quite applicable here. The only change would be that at a horse show pride usually goes right after the fall.
TYPICAL SHOW DAY
First of all, as prepared as you think you are, you will forget something. This is guaranteed. The best case scenario will be that you forgot simply a girth, or lunge line. The worst case, of course, is that you either forgot to load the second horse going or you left the neighbor’s child, who was supposed to go with you in her first lead line class and has been looking forward to it all of her life, crying in your driveway.
Your horse will not go willingly into the trailer. I do not care if you gave Cowboy Bob $500 to give your horse Natural Trailer Loading Lessons, on the day of the show your horse will feel it is much more natural for him to stay in his nice warm stall. However, he will decide to finally load, but it will happen when his internal alarm clock, which somehow knows when his first class started, goes off. He will then quietly load, with an expression on his face close to , “Oh, so THAT is what you wanted me to do! Walk into this uncomfortable contraption. Well, why didn’t you SAY so!”
By the time you arrive at the show, all of the choice spots will be taken. You will have to park at least one and a half miles from the main ring. The loudspeaker will not quite reach your ears, so you will exhaust yourself running back and forth to determine what each announcement was, since all you heard was crackling. It will be extremely difficult for you to maneuver into your chosen spot, but let’s be honest-it could be the size of a vacant Wal-Mart parking lot and you still would have trouble. What I do is to PRETEND that wherever I end up parking is exactly where I originally wanted to go. Therefore, as I park right next to a swamp where we will all have to wade through mud past our ankles for the entire day, I cheerily say in a loud, confident voice for all the world to hear (although everyone else is closer to the ring, of course), “Yep, this is JUST where I wanted to be!”
While you are unloading, you will find yourself a bit shorthanded. One family member or friend needs to go to the secretary’s stand to see if there are any classes left for you to enter, and one has to unhook the truck and use it to go gather the small child still crying in your driveway. You will find that your immaculate horse has somehow managed in one short trailer ride to look as though he was a survivor of the Charge of the Light Brigade. It is important not to worry too much about the grooming. You have already missed the Fitting and Showmanship Class, and, if his last schooling session is any indication of his speed, he will be going too fast for the judge to notice that his fetlocks are covered in swamp mud from where you parked.
By now your helper has returned and informed you that your first class (of the classes that are left, you already missed three of them) goes in about three minutes. You have time to finish tacking, throw on your show clothes, borrow a choker and gloves from a nearby competitor since you forgot yours, and canter briskly to the ring. One note: there are some things that you cannot borrow, and if you cannot find a suitable replacement, simply do not show. I once, a LONG time ago mercifully enough, borrowed boots so I could ride in a Morgan breed class. I SO wanted to ride. However, I am quite tall, and the rubber boots traveled halfway up my leg. I will never forget the sneering countenance of the judge. If she could have tossed me bodily out of the ring, she would have. I tried always having another horse right beside me on the inside so I could hide, but that did not work. Suffice to say, if you do not have your jacket and a borrowed one would end at your elbows, or your breeches would split at the first post, just forego entering the class.
IN THE RING
 
So the next nice scenario would be that your horse senses your lack of preparation and your nervousness, and acts like a gentleman for you during the class. We have all heard such tales; that the horse knows his rider is (pick one-young, old, nervous, a beginner) and although he usually breathes fire, decides to act like an angel. YOUR HORSE WILL NOT DO THIS! He will remember the hot day you rode him and did not go back 4 times for fly spray, or the day you actually expected him to walk through a mud puddle, or when you put Aunt Bertha on him and led him around in front of his pasture pals. Now is his time for revenge!
How your trained horse acts will all depend on the class you have entered. If it is a Pleasure Class, he will dash about as if out chasing hounds and threaten to kick or bite anything that moves. If jumping is required, he will have two options-over jump everything so that you are send flying at least once a class, or simply refuse in horror at the jumps and convince everyone watching that he is but a babe in the woods and you have cruelly subjected him to obstacles that are simply too much for him.
Try to keep from doing the ultimate disgrace, and that is causing the judge to flee for her life before your horse mows her down. I once had a father approach me in a most belligerent manner after I had judged his daughter in a horse show. I had never seen anyone gallop quite so fast as she did, and in so little control over a course of fences. I wrote a big D for DANGEROUS! in my notes. The final ignominy was, of course, that I had to hoof it out of her way or she would have rightly trampled me while she was attempting to find a brake somewhere. Her father accused me of not placing her merely because she almost ran me over! I assured him that had her round of fences been better, I would have gladly raised myself off the ground and limped over myself to award her a ribbon! Most judges, however, will not award you a ribbon if there is the slightest motion necessary on their part to avoid having your horse step on him/her, so be aware of this.
So you have survived the horse show, and you consider it to have been a success because,
A. No member of the show committee personally came over to you and forbade you to ever
again show you or your horse’s face on the show grounds again, and
B. The judge did not laugh uproariously at you and your horse or, conversely, turn purple
shouting at you and your horse.
Now is the time to exit gracefully from the show grounds. You will at least leave a lasting impression on your expertise in loading your equine and driving away. He will have had enough of this showing business, and as your friends (if you have any left), will knowingly say that he will load right up as he wants to go home. This is one of the clearest examples of anthropomorphism that you will find. (You know, attributing human characteristics to animals). Again, YOUR HORSE WILL NOT LOAD! Indeed, he will tremble with fear at the mere idea of approaching your vehicle, so that everyone watching will be convinced that you beat him regularly at home.
There is a simple solution to this occurrence. Find out the location of the nearest farm that boards horses and walk your horse there. Do this quickly and quietly so that it seems that this was your idea all along. You may fool one or two people. Then all you have to do is to take off the following day of work, find a willing vet to give you drugs, (also some for your horse) and you will conclude your happy horse showing experience with your horse returning back home a day late happy and half-looped.
THE LIGHTER SIDE OF SHOWING
Recently I have written articles for this magazine on different aspects of showing. These were, I=2 0hope, HIGHLY informative and made a LASTING impression on people on preparing for a show and how to pick what classes you feel ready for.
Now, however, I feel it only prudent, AND for the good of horse people in general to share the TRUTH about showing. I may have given you the impression that if you diligently prepared your horse, read articles, and listened to your riding instructor, that you would be ready to show and quite possibly put in a good performance and do your and your horse proud. I feel it is my duty to let you know that nothing is further from the truth.
Quite frequently, anything that can go wrong does go wrong, and the age-old term “Pride Goeth Before A Fall”, is quite applicable here. The only change would be that at a horse show pride usually goes right after the fall.
TYPICAL SHOW DAY
First of all, as prepared as you think you are, you will forget something. This is guaranteed. The best case scenario will be that you forgot simply a girth, or lunge line. The worst case, of course, is that you either forgot to load the second horse going or you left the neighbor’s child, who was supposed to go with you in her first lead line class and has been looking forward to it all of her life, crying in your driveway.
Your horse will not go willingly into the trailer. I do not care if you gave Cowboy Bob $50020to give your horse Natural Trailer Loading Lessons, on the day of the show your horse will feel it is much more natural for him to stay in his nice warm stall. However, he will decide to finally load, but it will happen when his internal alarm clock, which somehow knows when his first class started, goes off. He will then quietly load, with an expression on his face close to , “Oh, so THAT is what you wanted me to do! Walk into this uncomfortable contraption. Well, why didn’t you SAY so!”
By the time you arrive at the show, all of the choice spots will be taken. You will have to park at least one and a half miles from the main ring. The loudspeaker will not quite reach your ears, so you will exhaust yourself running back and forth to determine what each announcement was, since all you heard was crackling. It will be extremely difficult for you to maneuver into your chosen spot, but let’s be honest-it could be the size of a vacant Wal-Mart parking lot and you still would have trouble. What I do is to PRETEND that wherever I end up parking is exactly where I originally wanted to go. Therefore, as I park right next to a swamp where we will all have to wade through mud past our ankles for the entire day, I cheerily say in a loud, confident voice for all the world to hear (although everyone else is closer to the ring, of course), “Yep, this is JUST where I wanted to be!”
While you are unloading, you=2 0will find yourself a bit shorthanded. One family member or friend needs to go to the secretary’s stand to see if there are any classes left for you to enter, and one has to unhook the truck and use it to go gather the small child still crying in your driveway. You will find that your immaculate horse has somehow managed in one short trailer ride to look as though he was a survivor of the Charge of the Light Brigade. It is important not to worry too much about the grooming. You have already missed the Fitting and Showmanship Class, and, if his last schooling session is any indication of his speed, he will be going too fast for the judge to notice that his fetlocks are covered in swamp mud from where you parked.
By now your helper has returned and informed you that your first class (of the classes that are left, you already missed three of them) goes in about three minutes. You have time to finish tacking, throw on your show clothes, borrow a choker and gloves from a nearby competitor since you forgot yours, and canter briskly to the ring. One note: there are some things that you cannot borrow, and if you cannot find a suitable replacement, simply do not show. I once, a LONG time ago mercifully enough, borrowed boots so I could ride in a Morgan breed class. I SO wanted to ride. However, I am quite tall, and the rubber boots traveled halfway up my leg. I will never forget the sneering countenance of the judge. If she could have tossed me bodily out of the ring, she would have. I tried always having another horse right beside me on the inside so I could hide, but that did not work. Suffice to say, if you do not have your jacket and a borrowed one would end at your elbows, or your breeches would split at the first post, just forego entering the class.
IN THE RING
 
So the next nice scenario would be that your horse senses your lack of preparation and your nervousness, and acts like a gentleman for you during the class. We have all heard such tales; that the horse knows his rider is (pick one-young, old, nervous, a beginner) and although he usually breathes fire, decides to act like an angel. YOUR HORSE WILL NOT DO THIS! He will remember the hot day you rode him and did not go back 4 times for fly spray, or the day you actually expected him to walk through a mud puddle, or when you put Aunt Bertha on him and led him around in front of his pasture pals. Now is his time for revenge!
How your trained horse acts will all depend on the class you have entered. If it is a Pleasure Class, he will dash about as if out chasing hounds and threaten to kick or bite anything that moves. If jumping is required, he will have two options-over jump everything so that you are send flying at least once a class, or simply refuse in horror at the jumps and convince everyone watching that he is but a babe in the woods and you have cruelly subjected him to obstacles that are simply too much for him.
Try to keep from doing the ultimate disgrace, and that is causing the judge to flee for her life before your horse mows her down. I once had a father approach me in a most belligerent manner after I had judged his daughter in a horse show. I had never seen anyone gallop quite so fast as she did, and in so little control over a course of fences. I wrote a big D for DANGEROUS! in my notes. The final ignominy was, of course, that I had to hoof it out of her way or she would have rightly trampled me while she was attempting to find a brake somewhere. Her father accused me of not placing her merely because she almost ran me over! I assured him that had her round of fences been better, I would have gladly raised myself off the ground and limped over myself to award her a ribbon! Most judges, however, will not award you a ribbon if there is the slightest motion necessary on their part to avoid having your horse step on him/her, so be aware of this.
So you have survived the horse show, and you consider it to have been a success because,
A. No member of the show committee personally came over to you and forbade you to ever
again show you or your horse’s face on the show grounds again, and
B. The judge did not laugh uproariously at you and your horse or, conversely, turn purple
shouting at you and your hors e.
Now is the time to exit gracefully from the show grounds. You will at least leave a lasting impression on your expertise in loading your equine and driving away. He will have had enough of this showing business, and as your friends (if you have any left), will knowingly say that he will load right up as he wants to go home. This is one of the clearest examples of anthropomorphism that you will find. (You know, attributing human characteristics to animals). Again, YOUR HORSE WILL NOT LOAD! Indeed, he will tremble with fear at the mere idea of approaching your vehicle, so that everyone watching will be convinced that you beat him regularly at home.
There is a simple solution to this occurrence. Find out the location of the nearest farm that boards horses and walk your horse there. Do this quickly and quietly so that it seems that this was your idea all along. You may fool one or two people. Then all you have to do is to take off the following day of work, find a willing vet to give you drugs, (also some for your horse) and you will conclude your happy horse showing experience with your horse returning back home a day late happy and half-looped.

 

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